No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
