whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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