I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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