I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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