i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize