My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
