First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE