there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!