I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
