then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
