Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
