My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
