I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize