Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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