are you still at the devil's house?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
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I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
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She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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