Jerry, you need to find god
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
