It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
