I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
