Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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