eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
bring money and cleavage
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
