you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
