I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
