Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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