Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
