You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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