You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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