i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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