She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
