do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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