Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
