Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is it penis luge time yet?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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