I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
