can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
