there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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