Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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