Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
