I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
