we're chasing vodka with high fives
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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