I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
