I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize