Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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