I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This is classic penis vs brain.
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If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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