The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize