oh god the rape fog is back!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
