i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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