wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
