can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you had me at cake vodka
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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