i just made my gag reflex go away.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I am one with the molecules
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
