Im at strip club and am horny
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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