All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
