If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
