someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
