as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize