You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
3 2 1 whiskey
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
