Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
