So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
