You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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