make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
