the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
