so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
