yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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