I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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