Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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