you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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