Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
