The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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