when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
