You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
