"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
