i jhust puked up my retainher.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
