I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Randomize
