you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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