He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
