honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
